February 2016 – Surviving On Songs

Monday marks the last day of my tenure at R.M. Towill Corporation. I would have made 6 years in July…That was quite the lengthy experiment!

For the people that have told me that maybe I just need to work for a different civil engineering company, I’ll just say this. NOPE. RMTC has been the perfect storm to keep pushing that internal debate in my head of, “is this my calling… is there where I see myself in 20 years?” If there’s one thing I learned about RMTC, it’s this: if you love engineering, you belong at RMTC. If you don’t love it or want to just get by and make a living, you won’t last more than 5 and a half years.

Now I can wonder all I want, about where I’d be if I dove into music 10 years ago like my gut wanted me to, but I don’t think I would have succeeded the same way that I have the chance to succeed now.. I will face the same failures that I would have faced if I started 10 years ago, but my mentality has matured such that those same failures would have affected me much differently if I could say, “what if I tried engineering, I would have done well at that…” Now all I can say to myself is, “NO SHANE, ENGINEERING IS DEFINITELY NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING.” It’s true, figuring out what you don’t want is as good as figuring out what you do want! I have no more what-if’s left, and only “what’s next.” I’m only scared because I’m jumping into a hole that I can’t see the bottom of. My only hope is that in the end, it was all just an allusion, and there really is no solid ground to land on. In that case, maybe I just needed to jump… and without any ground to crash into, at what point does falling just become flying?

Ready. Set. Go.

It’s been a crazy last few years. I’ve lost some people, and met some new ones. One of my best friends got married, and my other best friend got engaged. There’s no way to express how excited I am for all of their futures. There just isn’t.

For a couple years now, I’ve been the 5th wheel of the group whenever we go out. However, it hasn’t ever bothered me. If you don’t count the few times that Jenn begged me to find a girlfriend, so she has someone to hangout with when she helps us at gigs, they’ve never made me feel like I needed to find that 6th wheel, or that I even am the 5th wheel.

A few days ago, it dawned on me, that I am the 5th wheel. Not in the usual way that you’d expect a 5th or 3rd wheel to be, but actually the steering wheel. But hold up! I don’t think that highly of myself, to self title…myself, as being the figurative steering wheel of the group, and whatever duties or traits that might imply. I’m more like the steering wheel on the kiddie car ride you find outside of a super market. You know the ones you walk by as an adult and say to your friend, “eh, dollar I can still fit in that.” Yeah, I said it, I’m the kiddie car steering wheel of my friends.

Don’t feel bad for me though. I take pride in knowing that even though I don’t actually do any steering of the other 4 wheels, it’s not a car without it, and you still wouldn’t get on the ride without that steering wheel. It’s just not the same 🙂

Month: February 2016

It’s time.

5th Wheel